My Scarlet Letter...

After being told for several years that I should write a blog I have finally caved...although my feelings against it still hold true; who the hell wants to hear what I have to say? What am I saying that is so different from what anyone else is saying? Blogs are for ego maniacs!!! However, I write so much on other sites, mainly on forums, that I decided that for now it might not be a bad idea to at least post some of my responses in hopes that I can one day actually learn how to blog properly. My first entry is a post I made in regards to the typical attack on Islam where I was accused of using propoganda to defend my stance. The attack I am responding to was quite personal in nature and basically my entire life was condemned based on the fact that I am a Muslim.

My Scarlet Letter...


Dear Google PhD’s,

After carefully reading through your in-depth posts I am bowled over by the amount of compassion and personal interest that you are taking in my life, I’m very touched.

The dictionary says that propaganda is: information, ideas, or rumors deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc. Interestingly enough this word actually has roots in the Roman Catholic church, dating back to 1622 when a committee of Cardinals was sent to supervise missionaries.

To throw the world “propaganda” around each time someone gives an argument that you don’t agree with seems like an abuse of the English language if you ask me. Each objective, historical point that I made was true and can be backed up with factual documentation. Each subjective point that I made was a matter of opinion and matters of opinion can not be considered “propaganda” unless the person is trying to pass opinion based lies off as fact based truths. None of that was taking place in any of my posts so I suspect that the careful usage of the term “propaganda” was aimed at hitting a dramatic high note and quite interestingly enough, by accusing an innocent person of propaganda for theatrical flair, I’d say the accuser thus becomes guilty of the accusation, no?

I am extremely shocked that someone who has never met me and who openly admits that their only knowledge of Islam comes from books published in America post 9/11 would decide that they have warrant to say that I chose to give up my liberty. Such a callus, defamation actually ran chills down my spine because it was a great illustration of how humans can very easily deem themselves worthy of planting poisonous seeds in the lives of strangers. Such people feel that after reading a book or two or watching a 20/20 segment or two that they are rightfully armed with enough wisdom and proper knowledge to accuse someone of something that might very well be diametrically apposed to everything the accused stands for. By giving breath or type to such venomous accusations the accuser is in essence solidifying the “guilty” verdict on someone and something that they truly have no right to even form an opinion about. This is actually a very common practice in propaganda, by accusing someone of something they are trapped in psychological quicksand, the more they try to defend the truth, the more people will assume they are guilty. I’ve been called subservient and silent, although I’ve clearly been one of the most outspoken and unrelenting with my opinions in this and myriad other threads.

It’s been said that “over there” I’m not free to speak my mind. Have you ever been “there”..by the way, just where exactly is "there" anyway? Perhaps "there" rests quietly some place between where the pilot in “The Little Prince” crashed and where “The English Patient” was filmed? Or maybe it is snuggled warmly between the infrared images of Baghdad and the shaking camera views of the West Bank? I’d love to know where “there” is. Perhaps we will find “them” “there”…I was born and raised for 24 years in the place that you consider “here”…in America, in North America, in the West, whatever “here” is to most of you. Although my longitude and latitude has changed along with my style of dress and certain rituals and beliefs in my life, I feel like exactly the same person that I was when I was a 10 year old Equestrian in New Jersey, or when I was a 17 year old blasting hip hop music out of the speakers in my first car, or when I was college co-ed pondering the realms of human existence while listening to Bob Marley. Just as my female friends who are 50 tell me that they still feel like the same person that they were when they were 20, only circumstances and conditions have changed…so too do I feel about my own life and my own spiritual/geographic journey. This daughter of college professor, globe trotting, hippies did not wake up one day and decide to change her name to “Ayesha Abdul Rahman Malik” and burn all her shorts and tank tops. My conversion and reversion to Islam has been a slow, careful, open minded ascension that started over six years ago. To think that I would suddenly wake up one day and decide that I no longer want to be a Muslim shows complete disregard for the way in which I became a Muslim and also shows a complete disregard for the roll that God’s hand has played in my life. The Quran says clearly that God guides and misguides whom he chooses, my accusers may not believe in this, but they would be remiss in neglecting to realize that I do.

What troubles me the most is that my accusers are demanding that I follow an abnormal course in my life. I am being told that if I have any regrets in my life it must be because my religion is horrible, although any other 24 year old would be told that regrets are normal rites of passage, that they build character and help us to define and solidify who we truly are. Anyone else who suffers any marriage problems or divorce is patted on the back and reminded of how common these things are among all couples and given pep talks to help boost their self esteem…but me, no…the demise of blessed union is already being predicted and the blame has already been put on Islam. When I look at this and many other sites I would have to search and search and search to find a single other Muslim, yet I can point and click my mouse blindly if I want to find what you call “hearts filled with tears”…yet if ever my heart becomes “filled with tears” it will be Islam’s fault?

We speak so heavily of this scary, horrid “there” place…as if there is no hope, no freedom, no joy in life “there”…yet, I highly doubt that any of these “there” experts have actually ever been “there” nor met “them”. Since now it seems that my “here” just might have become the “there” that folks love to speak about I would think that I have a more educated opinion on this dreadful place than people who take their “first hand” knowledge from second, third, twentieth hand information. What I see “there” are people filled with a passion and zeal for life. People brimming over with kindness, hospitality, and good humor. I see adults who can’t pass random children on the street with out stopping to greet and play with them, I see families who have not forgotten the meaning of family, and neighborhoods where you don’t have to lock your front door nor look over your shoulder when walking alone at night. I see a place overflowing with women doctors, lawyers, journalists, university professors, historians, and religious scholars…I see people who truly want to have the best life possible and do as much good as possible for their families, friends, and for humanity as a whole.

My husband happens to be one of those “horrible, scary” Arabs. Strangely enough this terrifying, woman stoning Arab fell in love with a loud mouthed, over bearing, dominant, politically obsessed American woman who comes from a family of nothing but strong minded and strong mouthed women. My husband and I have political debates on a daily basis (by the way our favorite topics to argue about are Israel, violence, different interpretations of Islam, etc…there are not topics that are off limits for us to discuss or for me to have a differing opinion about) and the one who always loses their cool and becomes too aggressive is me, not him. My husband, aside from my Mother and Grandmother is the biggest supporter of my dreams and he is always doing everything in his power to facilitate me obtaining those dreams. I was a Muslim for over five years before I even met my husband, my Islam has nothing to do with me being swept off my feet by a tall, dark, and handsome man who just happened to be a Muslim. If at this point the reader is urged to say “well that’s nice that you got lucky and got one of the few good ones” this would also be a gross inaccuracy. My husband is absolutely one of the best human beings I have ever met, but he is a typical Muslim man. My brother-in-law, my friend’s husbands, and all of the men in my husbands family and extended family as well as his friends are all laid back, open minded, highly educated, kind, gentle, morally driven men. The kind of men who will come home from the store and if the clerk accidentally gave them two of something and they only paid for one…lose sleep over this until they are able to return to the store and correct the error.

My husband is accused of wanting three more wives although he says on a daily basis that he can’t even handle one! My accusers act as if a non-Muslim woman is not in danger of not being “the only woman”. If we look at fact based statistics far more Muslim women are “the only woman” in their marriage than American women based on the huge amount of respect that Islam places on the union between husband and wife and the seriousness given to adultery. However, divorce is not considered sinful in Islam and if at any time the marriage is not working out for valid reason(s), both parties are free to end it. If my marriage (GOD FORBID) ended my life would not be unlike the lives of the millions and billions of other divorced women in the world, actually it would probably be better. There would be no ugly court hearings, no fear of custody battles, and no worry about not getting child support. I would continue to care for my children, my husband would pay for the children’s needs just as he did when we were married, and he would see them whenever he wanted. There is no talking bad about each other to the children or hating each other after marriage, in Islam it is taught that once the marriage is over you must treat each other with respect and courtesy. These Dr. Phil-esque episodic real life dramatics that are normal in many households are absolutely foreign to most Muslim households.

As far me having the right to chose to change my entire life, I absolutely have that right. My husband, his family, and my family have always left the door open for me to do whatever I feel is best for my life. My husband’s sister even once wrote my mother an email saying that she knows the stakes are high in my marriage based on me moving away from my family and starting a new life with my husband but that my mother should know that if I am ever truly unhappy with the life I had chosen in the Middle East both she and my husband as well as their mother would support me in going back to America. Her main concern was that if I was going to make such a decision I make it before any children are involved so to ease the pain and trauma inflicted on the children. This to me is more freedom, liberty, and respect of human happiness than any of my American, non-Muslim friends or family have received from their in-laws. My husband and I have already talked about all of the positive and negative possibilities that surround a “high stakes” marriage like ours and neither of us would do anything to cause any undue pain, suffering, or stress on each other or any children that me might have and unlike other people who might say things in the moment but then once something actually happens their actions deviate from the planned course, it is our faith and our desire to do what is right according to our love of Islam and our strong hope to please God which will keep us to our words, God willing. However, all thanks to God, I see our future as being blessed, bright, and happy…and as the Quran says “Among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." (30:21)

As for those who are so "kindly" worried about me, perhaps you should spend your energy and concern on those who need it more than I do. My life does indeed consist of dangerous things, like snuggling my husband each night, laughing and playing with my students each day, hanging out with wildly opinionated and loud mouthed fellow Muslim American friends that are not at all hard to come by in Saudi Arabia…summers in Cairo spent at cafes on the Nile, afternoons at the country club, evenings spent in the warm embrace of a close knit family…so yes, I can see why you would be so concerned. However, I too an concerned. I am concerned about women who have lost all their sense of worth and dignity, women who have been so mind controlled and brain washed that they believe the only way for them to be “worth” anything is if they are the thinnest, most sexually desirable, young looking lady in town. Women who feel so inadequate that they maim their bodies at an attempt to achieve unattainable, plastic perfection, women who think it’s normal for men to cheat on them, give them STDs, have children out of wedlock, sleep with guys they just met at a bar, get molested as children, get date raped as teenagers, and get smacked around and emotionally destroyed as adults. I’m scared for all the girls watching MTV who think that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are cool, who love to blast music which talks about them as b*tches…I’m scared for all the girls being raised in a society where status is achieved by who has the most material things or who the most men want to sleep with. I am scared that American girls think it’s feminine to be bad in Math and Science…these are the things that really worry me. So instead of wasting any time or energy worrying about me (I have a loving husband, mother, grandmother, sister-in-law, and friends to do that), perhaps you should look inside your own home; at your own daughter, niece, or granddaughter and focus some attention on the female hating war zone that they are growing up in. So as I commanded to prove that I have “nothing to fear”…so too do I command my accusers.

I have not given personal details about my life in a desperate attempt to solidify my argument, I have willfully chosen to do so because I have nothing to hide, I am quite proud and aboundingly happy with my life (all thanks to God) and thus I feel no harm or shame in sharing that reality with others.

Lastly, what disturbed me the most was the accusation that I do not submit to God but that I submit to men. Perhaps they don’t teach on Google that such a comment is not only hurtful, insulting, and inexcusable…but also unwarranted, unjustified, and untrue. I’ll accept ignorance as the apology.

I encourage all others who know what justice is to not be afraid of the new black lists being made for “muslim supporters”, or of the new McCarthy’s springing up left and right in an effort to scare and silence you. I have not been intolerant of anything save intolerance…nor am I guilty of saying anything other than the truth as I know it and so it is in the same spirit that I very proudly wear the scarlet “M” on my chest…